When I first viewed the University of East Anglia it was raining.

I saw congregation hall, the hive, and then could only wander round gazing at grey buildings against a grey sky.

The campus was desolate, we were in between covid lockdowns and we couldn’t go inside. 

My dad kept repeating “You don’t have to go here if you don’t want to.” 

But I did stay. And somewhere along the way those feelings passed. 

Now when I walk around campus, even on the gloomiest of days, it feels warm. Familiar. Those same brutalist buildings that once looked miserable now feel comforting. This is probably why when my undergraduate degree ended, I wasn’t ready to let go. 

I couldn’t fathom what sort of job I’d want, so it felt easier to just stay put. 

I did what some might call a Panic Masters.

And if you’re currently considering doing the same thing, let me offer you a cautionary tale.

People will warn you an MA is tough.

I already did a drama degree… and despite popular belief they aren’t easy. They are intense: whilst I was eating breakfast at 6am before my placement my flatmates were still doing vodka shots.

You do practical group work, and if you’re the lighting technician nobody can perform in the dark. The show must go on and all that.

So I naively thought I was tougher. But it’s hard in all the old ways, and more. 

It’s not just the workloads, it’s watching everyone move on whilst you’re suspended in student life. Your friends start earning salaries.

They talk about mortgages, engagements, six-month backpacking trips… Meanwhile, you’re applying for seven-day extensions and in your overdraft. They’ve been there, done that and got the diploma.

I’m brought back to my dad’s comment: “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” 

When I finished my undergrad, I don’t think I stayed because I loved studying. I stayed because I was frightened of uncertainty. 

I realise I never did hate the UEA campus – it was just panic, and doubt, and dread.

The idea of picking a new place and moving there alone felt terrifying. It was uncertain. That’s what I hated on my first visit – not the campus itself but the feeling of not knowing what my life there would look like.

The irony is that my Master’s has helped me feel more prepared for the “real world,” just not in the way I expected.

I’ve learned from the degree itself, but I now see I could’ve gone straight into work and learned those parts on the job.

The most useful things have been surrounding it: networking, career talks, job applications, forcing myself to think about what I actually want.

I’m still not entirely ready to leave university life behind, I don’t know if anyone ever is, but I feel a hell of a lot closer than I was five years ago standing in the rain wondering if I was about to make a big mistake.

Image credit: Hannah Foley