I feel so alone at uni, I’ve made maybe 3 friends, and all my friends are back home. I miss them so dearly and honestly I just wanna drop out but I have no choice but to continue, any advice?
I’ve definitely felt like this before, I hope you know you aren’t alone in this. Uni and people are actually really hard to navigate, so I hope you know you’ve done well so far. It may seem like everyone finds making friends super effortless, but I promise they probably are thinking about similar things inside too, or did at one point. I think loneliness is such a common experience that we tend to all hide because society says that we should and that it’s a personal fault if we do happen to feel lonely – which is not true.
There’s a lot of pressure and romanticisation around instantly making many super close friends when you’re at university, when the reality is that making friends isn’t always so easy (for various different reasons).
My advice would be to just be kind to yourself and know that friendships and closeness does not have to be instantaneous. Also knowing that there can be different levels of intensity to friendship that can be equally valuable – some friends can be life partners, and some friendships can be very light hearted and low commitment and you can still gain connection and moments of fun/happiness from these, even if you wouldn’t necessarily share all of your life with those people.
Also generally people do like making new friends, or at least are pleased when others take interest in them! I have a close friend who has made a habit of just asking people she’s acquainted with and interested in if they want to get coffee with her. If it’s awkward then that’s okay and you don’t have to meet again, but you could also find a really great connection. This was a scary idea to me, but actually I realised that if someone asked me to hang out I’d feel flattered that they want to. The more you do these scary things, the easier it gets, and it really is okay not to connect with everyone! You are not failing at ‘friend making’ if you don’t.
Using your hobbies or commitments to your advantage is a good way to make connections too ! Attending society events and making connections through those could be easier because you already have a known common point of interest to build your friendship upon ! Or if you work: remember that a workplace doesn’t have to be strictly just work. A lot of the time we’re conditioned to separate work friends from ‘real friends,’ but actually ‘work friends’ can be really wonderful too and can be brought outside of your workplace. And these friendships don’t have to be ‘deeper’ or necessarily longlasting for them to still be meaningful (although they can be if you would like them to be !)
Also it may be really hard because of busy schedules, but I would also suggest talking to some of your friends back home about how you feel and trying to organise a time to regularly meet or call to keep that contact that would be a source of comfort for you. Please remember you are not really alone.
And don’t forget that the people that are made for you will be drawn to you – look out for them ! they’re looking out for you too 🙂 If they haven’t appeared yet it’s just because they haven’t found you yet, not because they don’t exist.
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