Content Warning: Disease theme, reference to suicide
Dear [REDACTED],
You are receiving this letter following your discharge from The Facility due to you contracting The Virus. Only citizens who did not follow the lockdown protocol have contracted The Virus, therefore, testing positive to The Virus is evidence of breaking the law.
This is now reflected in your criminal record. You now have several legally-binding obligations to fulfil.
- You must begin searching for employment within two weeks of arriving home. Failure to do so will result in a fine of up to £10,000. Continued failure to work could result in up to ten years prison time.
- You will not be given any financial support and are no longer eligible for treatment from The Health Service for twenty-four months following discharge. Your reckless endangerment of The Heath Service means that you are no longer permitted to indulge in its benefits. You may pursue private healthcare, but they are legally entitled to reject you should they choose.
- You are forbidden from publicly criticising The Government’s handling of The Virus. You were graciously given shelter, free food, medical attention, running water, and security during your stay at The Facility, and any criticism of the system that provided those to you will face severe retaliation. Freedom of speech is a luxury afforded to those who do not endanger others.
Additionally, many subjects at The Facility have reported the following symptoms upon release: fatigue, migraines, chest pain, persistent cough, loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, disrupted menstrual cycle, and insomnia. If you have any of the symptoms listed, please do not seek medical assistance, as these are all consistent with Post-Viral Hypochondria, also known as ‘Post-Viral Victimhood’. You are not a victim, you are alive. ‘Victimhood’ is not afforded to the living.
If you are unable to comply with the criteria established in this letter, a pack of euthanasia capsules will be provided. After receiving this medication, swallow all capsules provided with a glass of water, lock your front door, and lie in bed. You are a parasite, and should you take this course of action, there is honour in relieving The Government of the burden of your care.
Warm regards,
[REDACTED],
Health Secretary
Image: Unsplash
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